Boy, wasn’t 2023 a huge mess for Hollywoke?!
They had it coming for embracing the D.I.E bullshit instead of just doing their goddamn job. They are some on the webs saying that we shouldn’t celebrate movies failing because of the poor poor filmmakers.
Uh, no. Sorry, I disagree. Yes, it’s true that normally most bad movies have good ideas or intentions but bad execution. But this year was different. Because of the woke virus, bad movies weren’t just good intentions gone bad. This time Movie studios and Filmmakers went full throttle disrespecting audiences and beloved franchises and making mistake after mistake.
And yes, there were some movies that failed that didn’t deserve it but that’s a different topic.
Hollywood also had a very long and messy strike…correction, TWO strikes! From both actors and writers. That made huge changes on scheduled movies and who knows how much that affected them.
I have only gone to the movie theater 3 times. Mostly because there wasn’t anything that made me go but at the same time, I was saving some pennies. So, all these movies I watched them either on streaming or, ahem, “digital platforms”.
I’ll talk about the movies I have seen this year and my brief, unbiased and amateurish opinion about them. And then let’s see what 2024 has in store for us, the common folk:
Knock at the cabin
Another fine supernatural thriller from Shyamalan. And a proof that you can put gay characters without feeling forced or condescending.
Shazam! Fury of the gods
2023 was the year superhero movies died. Yeah, the genre is still there but is obvious that people are fed up with them. DC especially has it worst with all their movies failing in theaters. But that was expected. DC on film has been terribly mishandled. No wonder why WB decided to reset the whole thing.
About Shazam 2, is not a bad movie. It’s very fun, the story is nice and all. But nobody cared. And let’s be honest, nobody cared for a sequel to a movie that faired well thanks to the superhero craze.
The Super Mario Bros. Movie
First movie I watched on theaters this year. I loved it. For somebody that loves Nintendo and grew up with its games, this was a wonderful love letter to the fans and the whole Mario Universe. And seeing Donkey Kong on the big screen was a dream come true uwu. Not the best animated movie ever but did a fine job. I don’t like the peaches song tho. It was funny but overstayed its welcome.
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol .3
Speaking of comic book movies dying…Yikes! Marvel had it baaad! GotG was the only one that made a profit and was liked by audiences but the others (Ant man and Marvels) bombed Hiroshima-style. Good! That’s why they deserve for going full feminism. About Gotg 3? It was fun. And yeah that’s it.
Knights of the Zodiac
Jesus this movie was just plain mediocre. It’s called “Knights” but there are onlt two. And the story was very dumb.
Spiderman: Across the Spiderverse
I think Miles Morales is goddamn overrated. Let’s face it, people makes a big deal about him for being non-white. I admit the movies were very fun and the animation was awesome. But I rather watch the REAL spiderman, Peter Parker, than this D.I.E posterboy.
The Flash
The second movie I watched on theaters. I am not gonna lie, I really wanted to watch this movie. I don’t like Ezra Miller but it looked good on the trailers. And although I think it’s a fine movie, it had many, many, MANY things against it. Miller is the first one, but the messy story, no background for the character and the fact that it relied on nostalgia to attract audiences, it would have been a miracle if ot was a hit. But it wasn’t. And with that, DCEU died.
Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny
I refused to watch this movie on theaters or in Disney+. I am not giving money to that Kennedy bitch. Fuck her. I pirated because I was curious about it and well, I love Indiana Jones. But I knew it was gonna be a disaster with KKKennedy and her D.I.E agenda all over the place. And although it had some good moments, it’s a sad farewell to one of the best characters in cinema. Fuck you Disney and fuck you Kennedy for doing this.
Mission Impossible Dead Reckoning Part 1
I wanted to watch this movie on theaters but I was poor at the time :c I have to wait and watch it digitally. I really loved this movie and it had some excellent scenes and story. Surprisingly, it underperfomed in the box office. This one baffles me. It has all the ingredients for a movie to be appreciated on the big screen, but people prefered to watch..Barbie 😒
Oppenheimer
Another movie I wanted to watch on theaters but I couldn’t for some reason or another. I have to wait and watch it digitally. EXCELLENT movie. One of the best of the year and one of Nolan’s best. I may even buy the blu-ray some day soon.
Blue Beetle
I kept hearing that this movie was fun and harmless. Yeah, true. But it was also very very VERY DUMB. Jesus the mexican familia was like a circus parade of mexican cliches all over the place. They were suppose to be charming but ended up being annoying. You can see these filmmakers never visited mexico or met real mexicans and only read some wikipedia articles and went with it. It felt times time condescending and times stupid. The movie? Eh it was generic as hell. No wonder it bombed. And rightfully so.
A Haunting in Venice
Murder in the orient express was very good. Death in the Nile was annoyingly D.I.E all over the place. This one was very chilling and fun. The Poirot movies by Branagh are one of the very few good franchises right now.
The Killer
Slow, methodic and captivating. A very different kind of thriller from David Fincher.
Leo
First time I heard about this movie, i thought it was gonna be another movies full of fart jokes from Adam Sandler. But it was very sweet and charming. Who would ever thought. Yeah there a few samples of potty humor but not that much.
The Boy and the Heron
The third movie I watched on theaters. I had to watch Hayao Miyazaki’s latest movie on the big screen and I wasn’t disappointed. I wasn’t expecting a movie like that for sure! Very different from his other films who are aimed to entertain children, this is a much more personal one, full with symbolisms and visual metaphors. And a message that, to date, I am still trying to churn and comprehend. A great way to close the year, with a beautifully animated movie with a story that makes you think.
Missed ones
There are some movies I missed for some reason or another. Mostly lack of interest or no dineros.
Dungeon’s and Dragons. Maybe. We’ll see.
Sound of Freedom. Honestly, it seems overhyped. Maybe I am wrong. Being a small independent movie, I’ll wait to watch in streaming.
Killers of the Flower Moon. I’ve heard mixed opinions about it. Good but way too long. I have Apple TV+ so I’ll wait to watch it there when it arrives.
Napoleon. I’ve heard that this Napoleon biography was disappointing and took way too many creative licenses. I’ll wait to watch it on ATV+ too.
Barbie. This is probably the one that makes me furious. A feminist, misandrist piece of shit that everybody watched for the memes and the pink and made A FUCKING BILLION DOLLARS?! Are you fucking kidding me?! I have no interest on watching a movie that tells me that I, a man, should decontsruct myself because PATRIARCHY! or some other feminist bullshit. Fuck it!
2024
Looking at 2024…there aren’t many interesting things. Some movies could be good, who knows. Giving a quick look at the confirmed ones these are the movies I am interested to, but not necessarily want to watch:
Dune Part two. This definitely will see on theaters. I need to rewatch the first part before.
Madam Webb, Kraven and Venom 3. Sony will release three movies of the spiderverse..without spiderman. I gotta be honest, I don’t care about any of them. Maaaaybe Venom 3 but that’s a huge maybe.
Ghostbusters Frozen Empire. I though the last GB movie was nice but nothing else. I am not sure about this one. I’ll wait for the reactions.
Deadpool 3. The only movie from the MCU that will be released this year. I think I’ll wait to watch it on streaming.
Joker Folie a deux. The only movie from DC Films. Joker was a nice character drama. This one is a musical…..that can be eitehr amazing or stupid.
Beetlejuice 2. Really? a sequel to Beetlejuice? What happen with the “I don’t like to make sequels”, Mr. Burton? I mean, it can be good..but why?
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