Disney’s Cavalcade of DIVERSITY! and Strong and Powerful wamen for 2021 and beyond

Yeah yeah I know today were the Video Game Awards.

Not interested.

I just kept checking if they were new game announcements and…

Looks neat. I hope there’s a physical copy and not only digital.

Ok..I didn’t expect that! o_o

The Last of US 2 won Game of the Year…..

Come on! Did you really thought that another one would win? These awards are pure crap like The Oscars and the Golden Globes. The game with DIVERSITY! and LESBIANS! and EEEEEEEEVIIILLLLL WHITE MEN must won.

I always though the first TLOU was a fun yet overrated “digital experience” or interactive story than a Video GAME and this is the case. Fuckin’ Animal Crossing is more a Video GAME than stupid Last of Us 2. There, I said it.

So it was as crappy as I expected. But, at the same time, Disney was having their Investors showcase where they talked about their plans to stupidize audiences for movies and series from next year and beyond.

It’s interesting because after COVID-chan destroying Hollywood and everyone’s lives around the globe, many studios and filmmakers are reorganizing and see what to do. Just like Warner Bros. announced that all their movies in 2021 will be released in both cinemas (or whatever is left of them) and their moribund streaming service HBO Max, Disney will do the same, releasing their upcoming movies in both Disney+ and cinemas. Also, just like they announced a couple of months ago, they will focus in their TV series and direct-to-consumer products than the classic “theaters first” or “Cable TV channels” they used to do.

So..what they did they announce? Let’s see…

Yet ANOTHER fuckin’s Streaming service, this time with content for Mature audiences as well as Hulu and ESPN. Ok, sounds cool. In the US it will be integrated on Disney+ without extra charge. Nice!

But for us Mex-chicanos, the service will be apart…so yeah, if we want to see Logan or Kingsman, we must spend more pesos in yet another goddamn streaming platform!

FUCK. THAT!

Jesuschrist! They are way too many goddamn streaming services! It’s absurd and stupid! Dammit!

The Big Sister is here to cut your balls

Next is a bunch of Zombie Star Wars shit-o-rama that only Fanboys with no dignity (or balls) will scream like crazy.

Star Wars’ new audience. May god have mercy of us

They have more Mandalorian..of course. A Rogue Squadron movie. Meh. An Ashoka series because for some reason everybody loves that character. Whatever.Obi wan kenobi where he will be put in his place by wamen, of course. The Acolyte, where a lesbian filmmaker will destroy the patriarchy in the Star Wars Universe..

Ok that’s it. None of these projects excite me in the least. Stories nobody asked for but the dumb masses that love the Mandalorian will consume this crap and Wicked Witch Kennedy will keep pushing her Sorority Agenda to punish us, the eeeviiillll white men. Go enjoy them soyboys. I pass.

Also…Indiana Jones 5. *sighs*

Indiana Jones was a labor of love from Spielberg and Lucas. They are not returning here so what’s the fucking point? I like Mangold but with Kennedy at the helm?! Fuck that shit. Apparently, this will be the last one. The Finale. Le conclusion…..

…I’m calling it! Indy will retire and will give the mantle to a STRONG, BRAVE, INDEPENDENT WAMYN! Extra points if she is non-white and LGBTDT21398+ too!

Besides…The 4th one was awful! And Spielberg and Lucas were involved! I may be wrong and maybe, maaaayybe, Indy 5 is good.

But after The Force Awakens, I learned to expect the worst. Specially with Kennedy’s Pyscopathic Genius flying around like a vulture.

But not everything is Star Wars or Indiana Jones. Oh no! Ms. Kennedy’s Lucasfilm will make a brand new movie based in a young adult book.

What is about you ask?

Her desire to write an epic tale with roots in West Africa was matched by her desire to respond to police brutality.

Adeyemi drew inspiration from Yoruba culture and Western fantasy fiction like Harry Potter and Avatar: The Last Airbender and from both West African mythology and the Black Lives Matter movement.

Ultimately, it’s the female characters who survive trauma and show the way forward.^…. it becomes clear Amari has learned other coping strategies while surviving under her abusive father.

Police is bad! whites are bad! Men are bad! I can imagine Kennedy having orgasms while reading it!

Eeew.

God! This crap feels like a checklist of SJW’s fan fiction. Of course Kennedy will like to adapt it to teach us eeeeviiiilllll white MEN to check our privilege and let wymin alone.

Lucasfilm is such a fuckin’ Joke. Unfortunately, people doesn’t have standards or care to be humiliated and will consume all that crap.

Next is Marvel Studios and their upcoming slate in their new M-SHE-U.

I don’t care.

I don’t care.

What.

Written by a male-hater racist piece of shit. Nice!

I don’t care

oooh Captain MARVEL! I don’t care.

Well of course! It was a matter of time!

I’ll admit it. I am curious about what they will do with the material. Tim Story did a light hearted movie and Josh Tank did…God knows what the heck he did…What will Marvel do this time? Who knows. I bet it will have more DIVERSITY! than the others, of course.

The only M-SHE-U movie I care is the Doctor Strange sequel because it will be directed by Sam Raimi and it seems to mix the universes of past Spiderman movies, with he announcements of Tobey Maguire and Andrew Garfield in the mix for Spider.man 3. Raimi is a fucking awesome director and I can’t wait to see what he will do.

Then again his last work under Disney was…eeeh….

shudders

Also, some Disney pixar crap I don’t give a shit, like a sequel to the vomitive Lion King remake, a Buzz Lightyear movie without Tim Allen (What the actual fuck?!), more motherfuckin’ remakes, more TV series….Ugh, that’s it. I am done. Nothing but inclusive, deadbrained crap. The only one that sounds interesting is Luca because *gasps* it’s not about girls! Holy shit! Pixar has done a movie around two BOYS!

I bet they will be dumb and hysterical and will have a girl to set them straight. It’s Pixar FFS.

Goddamit Bob! Why are you so racist and misogynist?! Why you hate female characters and DIVERSE! characters?!

In what part of my post I said that? Read it well. I am not mocking female and POC characters or filmmakers…I am mocking the clownish, misandrist and soft-racism of Disney’s mentality (and seriously, all Hollywood in that matter) of their works.

All these projects are not about making good stories or characters. Don’t be fooled. Hollywood doesn’t CARE about women or minorities. For them, they are a commodity. Something to use for their propaganda in their movies. Kathleen Kennedy’s problem is not that she is making female characters for Star Wars, is that she is DESTROYING the male ones while pushing her liberal, misandrist, anti-white views. As a white, gay, man, of course I am gonna speak out against it.

Marvel movies are just awful, pushing the same agenda as Kennedy. A black female Iron man because of course! Nobody liked that comic book series but here it is! Both She-Hulk and Ms Marvel are helmed by man-hating feminists but they get a pass because reasons.

All these projects have women and DIVERSE people. Fine, but who cares? Why is that important? Patty Jenkins is a very good filmmaker. But was she hired because she is good or because she is a woman? Because looking at their M.O it seems to be the later. The only reason they are hiring all these people is not because of their talent but because of their race, genitals or agendas? Seriously, doesn’t that bother you?

The 2005 Fantastic Four film was directed by a black director, Tim Story. Nobody cared. He was hired because he was good with comedies (or at least that’s what they said) and we were like “okey dokey”.

And I am tired that these billionaires, living in their bubbles, come to tell us, evil white men, what to watch or not. Because they think they have the moral ground to do so. Or that hiring people based on racist and sexist grounds will somehow erase racism and sexism?! Fuck off!

It’s fine to hire women and POC but they should be hired based on their talent. They are not doing them any favor. Yeah, maybe they will make a movie that makes millions because, well, audiences will consume anything with Marvel or Pixar on it. Then what? What will happen when this fad passes? Because it will pass and all these feminists, POCs that were hired to complete quotas will be replaced with the next Agenda Hollywood adopts.

And fuck it. YOU American-western women are not oppressed. If anything you are over privileged and spoiled. You may have succeeded erasing the top talent from hollywood and other industries with Metoo, BLM and Twitter cancel culture. But all these things will come back and bite you in your soy-latte ass. And Good luck finding a man that will want to stand for you.

Portrait of an oppressed lady

So….I subscribed to Disney+

How come? Well, it went like this:

MOM: I can’t believe it! They took all the animated movies from the Disney Channels! They only left the stupid teen sitcoms!**

ME:Yeah, it’s because of Disney plus

MOM:And what’s that?

ME:Well, it’s like Netflix but with Disney content. You subscribe and you pay a monthly fee. That’s why they took the Disney classic animated movies. If you want to watch ’em you must subscribe

MOM:Oh. And how much is it?

ME: Like 150 pesos (like 7-8 dlls)

MOM:and I can share it to my granddaughters like Netflix?

ME:(uh-oh) Uhm…yes..

MOM: What are you waiting for?! I can pay 150 at month! Let’s subscribe =D

ME:

**Not the exact words by kinda

This is why is never good to live with your parents when you are an adult. I could have told her that I don’t support Disney and all that…but she has been depressed and sad for almost 2 years! First because of my dad’s death and now because of the stupid lockdowns. So the last thing she needs is drama.

*sighs*

Anyway, is not that it comes from my pocket…but it has my name on it. Of course we’ll share it with my siblings…and that’s fine. But geez, when they found out is like Santa was coming.

Fucking Disney.

“But Bob! Now you can watch The Mandalorian! 😀 “

Guys, come on. Star Wars is dead. DEAD.

This is for not checking your privilege you evil, straight man.

I won’t doubt that Feloni and Favreau really love Star Wars and the series reflect that…but Star Wars died when Lucas sold it to the Sorority of the Kennedys and was castrated in the name of the Matriarchy. Star Wars now is a rotten zombie. A sad empty shelf. Lucas killed it and Kennedy danced on its corp.

As long as Kennedy is there, pulling the strings, is not, and never will be, Star Wars. It’s a fanfic. A terribly written fanfic.

If I really wanted to see that overhyped series, I would have downloaded it and not wait for this freaking streaming service. I don’t care about it anymore. I have my DVD’s and BD’s of the TRUE Cinematic saga. No need to give views to the wicked witch of the galaxy.

Ok, I browsed around and not counting the absurd, virtue signaling garbage around, like Beyonce’s Bullshit White are eeeeeeevilll film, the stupid forky show or the farsic revisionism of the Lady and the Tramp remake…

An interracial couple? Married on the 1910s?! WITHOUT SUFFERING RACISM?! NOR DISCRIMINATION?! AND LEGALLY?!

It has lots of classic movies from Disney AND 20 Century Fox! The Home Alone movies, The Sound of Music, The X-Men saga, Edward Scissorhands, the Fantastic Four films, Avatar….Ok no, and The Simpsons!…only Season 29 and 30 because of licensing crap -_- Although, I have most of them on my DVD collection but is nice to have a quick digital streaming option.

Last night I watched some classic Donald Duck shorts (it has very few but I hope they add some more), some episodes of Spider-Woman…damn I loved that cartoon as a kid and yikes it was very dumb xD, and today I watched Who Framed Roger Rabbit. It was a sweet nostalgia trip.

I guess that’s what I’ll watch more on this crap service. Classic movies with very little SJW propaganda. Also, my younger niece who is into Princesses and stuff, loved it and went bananas with Frozen 2 and some more.

So, I guess is not that bad anyway….

…still, Fuck Disney.

Good Bye, Star Wars

Ayup, I have just seen the new trainwreck that is the last of the Disney Star Wars crap-o-rama: The Rise of Skywalker.

“Oh! so you got it from itunes?”

PFT! Hell no!

I said it before and I’d say it again: I refuse to give my money to any Star Wars product spat and handled by the frickin’ Mouse. They are right now getting gutted by the Coronavirus hysteria and I am more than happy to NOT help them.

I am not going to talk about the plot. Everybody knows exactly what is about. I’ll just give you my brief opinion.

HOLY SHIT WHAT A MESS THAT WAS!

It felt like 2 or 3 movies cut and stitched together. First, they have to find the McGuffin, then find somebody, then go somewhere, then rescue somebody, then find another McGuffin, then go somewhere else…

If The Force Awakeness was a shameful Nostalgia cash grab remake, this movie is worse. “Remember the Death Star?! Here it is!” “Remember Palpatine?! He’s back. Why? How? who cares!” And so on and so on.

You can really feel the huge mess The Last Jedi did and how Jar Jar Abrahms has to pretty much undo all the expectations that were subverted by Ruined Johnson and made the fans that said “fuck off” to Disney to come back. It’s kinda sad honestly. Like watching a drunk husband asking forgiveness to his ex-wife under the window.

You know what? screw that. I don’t feel bad for them. They knew EXACTLY what they were doing and instead of accepting their mistakes and do a good job they decided to side with the twiterazis and insult the fans.

And now they want us back? WITH THIS?!

No, get fucked!

I’ll admit one thing: the movie is fun. Like going to the circus, or watching a telenovela or seeing to monkeys fighting with knives..

That doesn’t mean is a good movie! Is the lesser of the three evils? indeed. Is a good Blockbuster? eh, I guess. It’s a good Star Wars movie?

“So if it’s that bad then why you decided to watch it?”

One part curiosity, one part morbidity but another part to give it a closure.

For me, Star Wars is done. Finito. Finis. Terminado. It was already done in 2005 with The Revenge of the Sith, but I optimistically thought that Disney would do a good job. 5 movies later and the best ones are a spin-off that will be forgotten in years (Rogue one) and a Fan-Fic written as an Act of Desperation (Ep. 9). The Mandalorian? I don’t give a shit. Is it good? Maybe. I don’t know. I don’t care.

And after seeing what the future of Star Wars is bringing…

Holy crap!

Star Wars according to Millenials

So, apparently, Star Wars is about Feelings..

Not Pro-war…

So it’s true that World literacy has halved between 1970 and 2015…

Representation and Diversity..

“White Straight Men are Baaaaaaaaad”

and…Dinosaurs?!

What Millenials want in Star Wars

Like it or not, Star Wars are truly and only 6 movies:

The original trilogy. Created by a man that only wanted to make a fun story based on what he loved as a kid. A trilogy that spearheaded a Hollywood Renaissance after The New Hollywood wave ended. A world that was born from Film and made people happy and gave them something to dream about.

The Prequels. The Appendixes that helps us know more about this world and to give it a background to the first saga. It has its faults but it also has many virtues.

No, you still suck.

The rest are fan-fics.

Awful, absurd, virtue-signaling fan fics created by people that HATE Star Wars and decided to destroy it for the sake of “progressiveness”.

So powerful, so brave, so….diverse?

Did Kathleen Kennedy do this on purpose? Is she really a psycho that cannot stand that something is beloved by males and had to destroy it in the name of the Sisterhood?

Could be. But I am pretty sure she’s just a stupid elitist that just proved that all these years working with Spielberg and Lucas were for nothing.

“Yeah keep smiling, Steve. One day, I’ll be a great producer and will destroy the patriarchy!”

Ya know? I am tired of talking about her and all the shit she has done to Star Wars. Even if she gets fired eventually, so what? The damage is done. Star Wars had a sad, ungraceful death. Even if Lucas returned, there’s no guarantee that he would do better. If he really cared about SW he had never sold it in the first place. He is at fault as much as Kennedy. And not to mention Disney. Burn in hell Disney.

Good bye, Star Wars. Thanks for the memories. But it’s time to move on.

Farewell, old friend. And fuck you, Kennedy. FUCK YOU.

Remembering the 2010s

A.k.a the “twenty-tens” or “two thousand (and) tens”.

I can’t believe that another decade is coming to an end. Some say that the decade started in 2011 and will end in 2020, but the general consensus seems to be that the decade started in 2010 and will end in 2019.

Personally, that makes more sense to me.

This is an interesting decade. I started in my early  30’s and ended it in my early 40’s. Funny how I still feel the same. Obviously, I am older. But I feel the same as when I was in my 20s.

Nintendo Direct – September 2019

The summer is ending and Fall is arriving. And what’s better for it than a new Nintendo Direct.

Okeydokey. Let’s boogie!

Huh. Well, considering that Diablo 3 is one of Nintendo Switch’s best selling Third-party games, it makes sense they will bring one of their most successful franchises.

woah!

I played this game a couple of weekends when it was free on the Playstation. It didn’t drive me nuts. But hey, more quality games is always good.

Luigi Mansion 3. 

Super Kirby Clash.

Trials of Mana. It looks fine…but I rather get the Collection of Mana instead. Oh well.

Return of the Obra Dinn. A weird-looking indie gaming that I don’t care.

Little Town Hero. An RPG game from the creators of Pokemon. Looks pretty generic, to be honest.

An update for Zelda Link’s Awakening. Nothing we didn’t know already. Ditto for Dragon Quest XI. 

Tokyo Mirage Sessions.

Yeah, remember that game that mixed Fire Emblem (Nintendo’s annoying obsession) and Shin Megami Tensei that NOBODY CARED? It’s back! Yay?

Deadly Premonition 1 and2. Port of some…horror? games that were on Xbox 360 and PS3 and are now on Switch. Never heard of them in my whole life.

Divinity Original Sin 2. Wait 2? there’s already the 1st part? Okaaay.

Doom 64 is coming to Switch. I heard this was a very good port so is good to give it a try.

Rogue Company. Looks Ok.

More Pokemon news. A Pokemon that looks like a tea jug? Ok that’s stupid.

Hye hey hey! where the fuck is Donkey Kong country?! D:<

SNES games are finally coming to Nintendo Switch ONLINE. Awesome! I hope that the annoying brats on Youtube and Twitter shut the hell up for a long while! It also comes with a very expensive SNES controller that can only be used there.

Tetris 99 will have an update with more stuff like new skins. Neat-o. I love Tetris 99.

Daemon X Machine. This game looks interesting so why I don’t give a damn? More info about Mario and Sonic. Devil may cry 2 is coming, a racing game, assassin’s creed compilation, two Star Wars games, and other stuff are coming soon.

More footage for Animal Crossing New Horizons. It looks awesome. The date is the same, March 2020. Soon my precious, soon.

A port of the Wii’s cult title, Xenoblade Chronicles, is coming to Switch.

I had this game for my Switch but got bored of it very fast. But I can see why many loved it. Is a huge, expansive game and one of Wii’s best titles.

That’s all for games. For DLC and stuff, they had two things.

First, Banjo Kazooie Smash pack will be released TODAY! Ok..that was surprising.

Second:

Stupid leaks -_-

There were strong rumors and leaks about it and I had my doubts but here it is. Of course, many millennial gringos are scratching their heads. They don’t freaking know who is Terry Bogard! But here in Mexicoland we are happy to see this legendary character on Smash. Of course, those Millenials are on the other hand excited for the Mii outfit based on Sans from Undertale. Eh, to each its own.

And that’s it for this Direct. My opinion?

Lots of quality games and solid announcements. But nothing outstanding or memorable. Most of them are ports and games we already knew with very few exciting surprises.

I hope 2020 we see fewer ports and more new games for Switch. Don’t get me wrong, good games will always be good games. But is getting tiresome. This ending generation were mostly remakes and ports. Switch is the first of the next generation and is on its 3d year and although it has some awesome games, it has the same issue than the last generation. Let’s hope next year we see an improvement.

The Death of Skywalker

Oh hey, a new trailer for SJWars is here. yaaaaay

In Ryan Jonson’s Magnus opus shit, he told us to let go the past and move on. But now Disney is here telling us “Hey! remember these great characters THAT WE KILLED?! Here they are! Isn’t that awesome?!?!?! “

Ugh.

The trailer is nothing but shameless, empty nostalgia with absurd characters and storyline. There’s a wide apathy from the audience to this new movie which promises to conclude the Skywalker Saga. The Skywalker saga ended in Episode VI. These new movies are anything but.

Disney is desperate to create excitement for this new movie. And is that really surprising?! Their toys are not selling. The theme park attraction is a failure. The last Star Wars movie failed to create an impact (it made money but nobody cared).   They could have made great Star Wars movies but they decided to insult and attack the potential costumers while catering to the Twitterazis that just kept praising the “diversity” and muh feminist themes as well as the dumb fans that loved Last Jedi because Luke was wearing black (seriously! I have heard some saying crap like that!). This is the film equivalent of grasping at straws.

But the real juice of this trailer is the small scene where Rey is a Sith Lord

Solo: a mediocre Star Wars story

So I watched Solo a few minutes ago.

“I thought you said that you wouldn’t pay to watch another Star Wars movie ever!”

I didn’t.

 

*evil laugh*

 

After the feminist, progressive middle-finger that “The Last Jedi” was, I decided to skip this and all the rest of the Social Justice Wars movies by Disney on theater or DVD/BD.  And I’ll stick with my promise. And is not only their Liberal crap agenda that makes me keep my money from them but their awful PR tactics that rely on insulting the people that puts them food on their table.

What? You thought that internet drama about Kelly Trans being “harassed” on social media being released at the same time that Solo was bombing on cinemas was a coincidence? Oh, you are so naive..

 

“oh boo hoo I am a spoiled southern Californian brat and Hollywood actress that makes millions and is called fat on the internet”

 

So I decided to download it, in a not very good quality and watched it. So what do I think?

It’s better than The last Jedi and The force awakens but is just a bit below than Rogue One..which wasn’t that great but at least had a great third act. Solo? not very much. Maybe is the troubled production that it has, which started as a comedy-driven movie by lord/miller and ended up in the hands of Ron Howard. A good director with zero styles and which is basically a yes man.

 

I doubt their version would be better..or maybe it would..who knows

 

Solo is simply an Ok-ish movie. The direction is competent. The story is predictable and mildly entertaining. The music does its job. The actors are fine. For all the flack Alden Einrecghljkdwt received about not being good and even having a coach actor on set, he did his best and it works. The humor is flat. It has lots of action and adventure like the classic Star Wars movies, but most of the time it feels cliched. It also has many of the “new” Star Wars tropes like (white) men are idiots, women are great, perfect and flawless and their newest addition to the wall of shame,  L3.

Yeah..let’s talk about L3 for a second. When the movie was released, Childish Gambino said that his character Lando Calrissian was a pansexual that falls in love for a feminist robot. In reality it wasn’t like that. Why he had the need to say some BS? I don’t know. I guess he thought he would look progressive and woke.

 

Sure Mr Gambino

 

That robot L3 is an annoying civil rights caricature. I am not sure if it was suppossed to be a satire or just cute but it falls in both instances.  It’s annoying, unfunny, gross and kinda felt like a relief when they kill her..it..whatever. The scene when Lando almost cry because she died was just stupid. Robots in SW lore are simply servants and people seems that that way. Nobody will remember that annoying droid in years to come.

But that’s just a brief moment in the whole movie. The rest is just a regular action movie with fan service here and there. Oh right, Dart Maul appears near the end by the way.

Yeah ,remember this?

Nope. He is alive. Apparently, in the cartoon he survives. Ugh. Fine, whatever.

In conclusion, it was a mediocre Star Wars movie about a beloved character that Disney and Lucasfilm don’t gives two shits. Nobody will remember it in years to come, except as the dubious honor of being the first “Bomb box-office” in the Star Wars cannon.

 

OK, the second one

 

I am glad I didn’t watched this movie on cinemas. Or even rented online. This a mediocre work that doesn’t deserves any money. Sorry for the actors and the crew, but Star Wars deserves better. And so far we had a remake, two sub-par side stories and a spit on the mythology and lore. What will happen on Episode IX?

I also updated my Star Wars list with the adition of this flick. Check it out of you haven’t.

Remembering the 90s

The 1990s. That’s the decade of my Secondary school, High school and three-quarters of my College years.

Right now is the decade that many people feels nostalgic about it. Specially by men and women that were teenagers in that decade and now are married or simply older.

Like me 😀

Was the 90s a great decade? I cannot tell. Even though personally was a decade full of hardships and family dramas, I still have some nice memories about the decade. It was the decade of the Internet, of economical crisis, the decade of Playstation, of Hong Kong returning to the china, of The Simpsons, cellphones becoming mainstream and Titanic. It was very interesting that’s for sure.

Disney’s The Last Jedi review

Last night I finally saw The Last Jedi.

 

So was it good?

Ok..This is Star Wars we are talking about. This a mythology that started on film instead of books or oral traditions or religion. It deserves a more broad discussion.

I have stated many times my dislike for The Force Awakens. I went to watch that movie full of nostalgia and left the theatre completely dissapointed and with mixed feelings. I wanted to love it. I really tried to defend it and excuse it. But after many viewings I just couldn’t. It was flashy and well shot. But the characters were stupid, the plot was just a rehash of A New Hope (Yes, I know that this argument has been repeated ad nauseum but it actually explains a lot). Also the liberal-feminist-SJW crap was annoying to no end. It shows that Disney doesn’t give two damns about the lore and mythology of Star Wars and just wanted to make another boring blockbuster to sell merchandising while having “Progressive points” with the millenials. Merchandising is not a bad thing at all but…this is Star Wars.  It goes beyoned Toyetic crap. And nobody gives a shit about the filmmakers’ politics.

Yet I wanted to think that they did it only to make people excited about Star wars and in the sequel they will do a great Star Wars movie that will deserve to be with the better ones.”This is for the fans and the kids”, I thought. “Next one will learn and do a great movie”.

Then the trailer was released and I wasn’t excited. I don’t know why. I really wanted to love it but it was just meh. I still wanted to give it a try. But I wasn’t excited. I didn’t feel like going to the midnight showing but I still wanted to go the next weekend. Unfortunately, family issues got in the way and christmas arrived so I decided to wait until things got better. Finally last night went and watched it with my brother and mom.

So..was it good?

Depends. Do you want me to be nice or honest?

Nice answer: It was a very beautiful movie to watch. Every shot, the cinematographty, the art direction (sometimes), the action scenes, the CGI, the FX, the music and the editing were superb. It really is a masterpiece of visual storytelling. Also, while with TFA I was just  thinking “really? they are going to do that AGAIN?”, and was getting upset for the lack of creativity and mediocrity, I enjoyed this movie much more. It is definitely a movie for the silver screen.

Honest answer: It was just OK-ish. Not a great movie. But this is star wars and needs to be great.  It rehashed this time both elements from The Empire Strikes Back and The Return of the Jedi. They didn’t felt like homages but more like pastiches. It didn’t felt like a Star Wars movie. It felt like a clone of a Star Wars movie with Star wars characters in there.

Let’s go piece by piece:

The movie starts with the RebelsResistence fleeing from the EmpireNew Order and the latino-clone of Han solo, Poe Dameron,  leading an attack. Then they exchange a very lame, dumb, unfunny joke about acting like a wrong call or something.

Ugh.

Then they attack the huge ship and la resistence flees but the New Empire chase them thru lightspeed. And the story goes on.

There are many sublopts at the same time: Mary Sue finally found Luke Skywalker and she gets trained because…something. Unimportant character that happens to be black meets fat diveristy asian chick and goes to Las Vegas to find a codebreaker to get into the empi…new order ship and deactive a wachamacallit thing. Leia it’s in a comma (more to that later) and a purple-haired gender studies teacher takes control and confronts patriarchy and tells Poe to check his privilege. Kylo vader has issues and connects to Mary sue blah blah yada yada *yawns*..you know what? go and check wikipedia’s page to see the full plot. Besides, I guess everybody have already seen it by now.

The problem I have with The Last Jedi…are actually many:

It has that annoying Marvel-esque humor: the lame joke at the beginning,  Finn waking up akwardly, the nuns at the island where luke lives and so on. Some where funny, some where…dumb. Star wars had comedy, yes. But it was more classy and didn’t feel juvenile.

…okay not always

The characters are dumb and useless. Finn and diversity girl are lame and uninteresting. Finn already had that issue since TFA. It was just there to give Han solo and Rey a funny buddy. Saddly his backstory it’s actually great. A storm trooper that deserts the empire..er, New Order…you know what? fuck it! I’ll call it the Empire because that’s what it is. It’s such a rip-off that doesn’t make it interesting to remember its real name. It has great material and could make an interesting complex character. But no. He is just there to make akward jokes and have “progressive points”.

Speaking of progressive points, Diversity girl is so fucking boring! why is she there? why should we care about here? aaawww she freed the llama-horses…so what!? oh yeah her sister was in the Rebel..er, Resistence…you know what? fuck it! I’ll call it the Rebels because that’s what it is. It’s such a rip-off that doesn’t make it interesting to remember its real name. Like Finn, she is just there to tickle another box in the “Diversity to-do list” and feel like they are saving the world or something.

Also..there are lots of beautiful, great asian actresses…

…why this one?

oh yeah…

😛

Poe Dameron is the only one that makes you root for him. Too bad that he is an AGENT OF THE PATRIARCHY! Thanks goodness that we have purple-haired-maybe-lesbian Gender Teacher Holdo to put him in his place! Yeah! Take that you agent for the patriarchy! go to your room and check your privilege!

 

holy shit! I am seeing double! Four vice-admiral Holdos!

Rey is the same fucking Mary sue she always is. She is sooo strong with the force that she doesn’t need training. She can even defeat a Jedi like Luke without training! she can swim! she can shoot  spaceships! she can fight againts an army with a light saber because why not! I was hoping they will show her like a hero in training, that has flaws and she overcomes those flaws. But no. She is perfect in any way because of course. At least, Daisy ridley is a great actress and is charismatic. Too Bad she is trapped in a boring useless character.

Clever girl!

How about the classic ones? Chewie is just there…R2-D2 has a nice nostalgic scene and that’s it. C3PO is…just there too.

Now about Luke Skywalker. Mark Hamil does a great job but the way they treated the character is a spit on the lore and the skywalker mythology. He is grumpy and an asshole. He is not the son of anakin or the jedi that destroyed the empire. He is just an old hermit that hates the Jedi. Now, that doesn’t necessary means is a bad angle for a character evolution. But there’s no real motivation behind his change and doesn’t fit with the way the character was shown before. It feels that they made him this way to make way for the new characters and take him out of the way. Feels disrespectful.

And Leia…*sighs* First of all, Carrie fisher did a very good job and that the character is not longer a princess or a queen…that’s fine. But just like the rest of the female characters, they made her somehow invencible and wonderful just because..she is a woman? I know it sounds awful but after seeing how Han solo didn’t had a good evolution and neither Luke, the fact the she is the only one of these movies that faired well feels unbalanced. Why not making Han solo a general or captain too along her wife? why separate them? why did luke got in hiding (and yet somehow left a map? come on! that’s dumb). But the worst thing they did with her character is…this:

WHAT THE FUCK?!

Oh that’s another thing by the way. The Force in this movie is all over the fucking place. In past movies, the force was more mystical and yes supernatural but it felt natural. Here it can make EVERYTHING! It felt less like a force of nature and more like fucking Harry Potter: flying in space, casting lightnings (as a ghost!), using it as skype….

Another thing they keep saying about the movie is that “it took a lot of risks”.

WHAT RISKS?!

Everytime the movie was going to do something bold and amazing it had cold feet and threw it away. For example, the Flying Leia scene. It’s a shame Carrie Fisher passed away and it was the oportunity to give her a proper send off. It would have been more decent, sad but beautiful to let her die, killed by her son, and kept with the way Solo died. Would have been shocking but memorable…specially considering that she won’t return for Episode IX anyway. But no. She wakes up and becomes Mary Poppins.

I bet that when Episode 9 appears they will show her death with a dumb crawl text or make her CGI and kill her somehow. or killing her off-camera. Either of these options are dumb.

Also Finn and Diversity girl are so hollow and uninteresting that nobody cares about them. But in the third act, we see Finn decided to sacrify himself so the Rebels can escape. In that moment I thought that Finn giving his life would have been shocking but noble. This character that didn’t do a single interesting thing in these movies, will have his moment and become a martyr. That would have been amazing. But no. Diversity girl push him away! “oh” I thought “then maybe she is gonna take his place..and give her life just like her sister did! wow! how noble and poetic!”.

Nope. Both live.

So these two characters had a chance to have a beautiful and bold moment and in the last moment Disney said “lol no”. what a bunch of crap.

But the worst..is Luke’s death. Now let’s not fool ourselves. Since the moment this new trilogy was announced we knew that Luke will die any given moment. Just like  qui-gon jin, just like obi-wan, just like anakin, they will give their lives in a chivalrous and honorable way. When Luke appeared and faced his nephew and said “if yous strike me with all your hate, I’ll be with you”. I had chills. This is coming full circle. “when you left I was the aprentice now I am the master”.  And then Kylo stabs him and…nothing.

In reality, luke projected himself from his tiny planet (???) so he was never really there. What a fucking coward. So I thought, “ok fine he will live, train rey and die in the third”.

Nope he died. Just like that.

At least freakin’ Yoda closed his eyes and died in peace. Luke just poofed.

This character is the backbone of the saga. We watched the prequels because we wanted to know about his father and we waited for these movies to know about his descendants. But nope. nada. zero. zippy-di-doo-da. He is grumpy and dies just because. It’s a spit in the face to the lore and mythology of the saga.

It’s insulting bullshit.

There are also things that everytime they happen just made me think “why?”. The Not-Las Vegas plotline is so useless and doesn’t go anyway. It’s pure filler and a waste of time just to give these two blank characters something to do and create false tension and give an anti-capitalist and enviromental message (fuckin hypocrites!)  The killing of Snoke and Phasma…why were those characters there in the first place? Snoke created the new empire. Ok fine. But who is he? Where does he come from? how he got there? Nothing. He is just there to be a replacement of the emperor and, bam! it dies. Captain Phasma..what is so special about her? “ooh ooh is the first female trooper!”…ok what else? nothing. and she dies in a very unimaginative way. Bah. This is not bold or risky. It’s nothing. It’s waste of time.

There are many things more I can say about it but I am tired of it. I really wanted to see a great Star Wars movie. But it was dissapointing. It had great ideas. But everytime it aproaches them, it throws them away. After 2 hours and a half, it feels like a waste. The Last Jedi is the movie that could-been but wasn’t.

It’s amazing the number of op-eds defending the movie (none the less mostly from liberal publications that have orgasms with the feminist crap) but also from film publications that want to defend the movie. Their conclusions are that no, the movie is great. It’s us the fans that are wrong. You see, we have expectations! how dare we!

More proof that critics are sell-outs and useless

Now yes, there are the rabbid fanboys that won’t be satisfied with anything and make dumb on-line petitions. But there are lots of us that like the Star Wars mythology and just want it to be respected. That’s it. But when Disney decides to telll us to “leave the past behind and move on” which is a cute way to say “shut up and enjoy our movies fanboys!”, we cannot accept it. We criticized the Prequels because their good ideas had bad execution. We criticize these new movies because they are conceptually mediocre.

Take for the example “The Hobbit” films. Are they bad movies? No. They are well done and entertaining. So why the hate from the fans? Of course we have the annoying fanboys that treat it like a religion but there are also the ones that just want these works to be treated with respect. The Lord of the Rings trilogy by Peter jackson are loved because he treated the material with respect while making great movies. Guillermo del Toro’s treatment of the Hobbit was going to be the same, making a great movie about the hobbit (giving it in two parts), respecting the lore and mythos of the book and its universe. Instead, New Line Cinema made three movies full of nothing with a pasion-less Peter jackson. They felt like movies made in a conveyor belt. They work as blockbusters but not as a Tolkien-inspired movies.

TFA and TLJ are the same. They don’t care about the material. Disney cares about keeping them in the mainstream and sell toys while pushing their political agends. TFA was mediocre. Rogue one was better because it dived in the lore (enough to ignore the patched storytelling and wooden characters). TLJ tries to be bold and interesting and it fells on the way. Boring characters, disrespect to the original  mythology  and a story that promises a lot and delivers too little. Like “The Hobbit” they work as blockbusters, but not as Star wars movies.

Star Wars is just not “a bunch of sci-fi movies”. It goes beyond that. This is a saga that was created by a man, George Lucas, as a homage to the comics and serials he loved as a kid. It was a love letter to old tales and sci-fi pulp. It arrived at the right place and the right time, when the world was in the need of new stories and tales to dream about. It was a huge  cultural impact. Many say “oh come one those movies didn’t age well”. I disagree. Yes many cinematographic techniques may seem outdated (a reason why lucas made the changes), but you cannot judge a 30+ year old movie with the same standards of today. It’s absurd. The prequels mistakes are many but they respect the lore of the saga. Yes, the dialogue needed a lot of work and lacked more excitment and has fucking Jar jar, but they bring more to the Star Wars mythology than these 2 last movies.

It lacked a more diverse cast? yeah but remember that it was the 70s and there were the explotaition genres so many studios were weary of casting actors of different races. A dumb reason, I agree. But it is what it is. With that said, Lando Calrissian and Leia were loved not because they were “diverse” but because they were well written. Star wars was a saga for boys because his creator (heavens forbid!) was a boy. But guess what? It was so well made that it was loved, and I mean LOVED by girls too! Do you really think that girls were felt outcasted for it? of course not! They loved leia. They loved Darth vader. They loved Luke. The prequels had more women and different races in the movies but Disney wants you to believe otherwise. These last movies, have this disgusting new trend where white males are EEEEEEEVIL and any other race or gender is AWESOME. It’s not an accident that the Rebels are leaded by women while white men are in the background. This is not equality. This is misandry and bullshit racism. George Lucas’ works had less women and other races but the few that were there were truly equal. Disney doesn’t know shit.

 

Lucas beated Disney in the diversity department a long time ago

And after watching The Last Jedi, I made a decision: I won’t watch Episode IX.

I don’t care anymore. I am done.

Why should I? Disney doesn’t care about the lore of Star Wars so why I should care about their liberal-arts crap-o-rama? They don’t need my money. They can make a mediocre star wars movie and make millions. I’ll download it when it is available.

I won’t watch the Han solo movie or the new non-skywalker trilogy they are planning.  Star Wars Episodes 1 to 6 are the true Star Wars because they were made by his creator, George Lucas.  Some better than others and yes the prequels have lots of flaws but it’s what Lucas created for better or worse. Disney will just keep making expensive fan fics that don’t give a damn about Star wars. They had the chance to carry the torch properly and failed.

Disney didn’t destroy my childhood. My childhood is just fine. Besides I didn’t become a Star Wars fan until I was in college. What it did destroyed was a beautiful cinematic mythology just for the sake of progressiveness and toys.

Star Wars is over. And will never come back.

Le roi est mort, vive le roi!